Today’s date has reminded me of a time when I was in utter despair, hurt and saddened by a situation. I was beside myself and wished that the situation could be different.
Looking back now from a place where my life is so different and full of love, I can consider the lesson, even though I still get challenged and I am constantly learning.
Most of us have read about accepting reality or surrendering to the suffering as a key to overcoming pain. It is not so easy. Your mind keeps saying, I don’t want to accept this, this is so unfair!
Acceptance is where we get stuck, where I got stuck.
What is meant by accepting reality is to be present in what is in fact the current situation. It has been said that fighting reality is the continued source of pain. No. I hear you say. The situation is the source of pain – he is, she is, my boss is, loadshedding is…
But, our reaction sustains the pain. You can’t sustain anger or anxiety unless you constantly feed them. Before acceptance or surrendering, all you can do is wail against the world. After acceptance you can see options and take action or just be.
Accepting this moment is not about giving up but it is actually about getting to the point where we can take the next small step.
Time doesn’t heal if you sustain your struggle against what is. Accepting reality is sanity.
“It is always now. This might sound trite, but it is the truth. It’s not quite true as a matter of neurology, because our minds are built upon layers of inputs whose timing we know must be different. But it is true as a matter of conscious experience. The reality of your life is always now. And to realize this, we will see, is liberating. In fact, I think there is nothing more important to understand if you want to be happy in this world. But we spend most of our lives forgetting this truth—overlooking it, fleeing it, repudiating it. And the horror is that we succeed. We manage to avoid being happy while struggling to become happy, fulfilling one desire after the next, banishing our fears, grasping at pleasure, recoiling from pain—and thinking, interminably, about how best to keep the whole works up and running.” ― Sam Harris
Tips to be more present
1. Notice when your mind is taking over and running away from the present
- Instead of saying what if this, what if that, acknowledge what you are feeling.
2. Feel your feelings - Don’t push the feeling away. You need to examine it, feel it. Move through the emotion. Get out of fear and into gratitude.
3. Be thankful
- Think about what you are grateful for. Write it down or speak it. Tell others.
4. Daily Practice
– Find a daily practice that works for you. Light a candle, say a prayer, meditate, take a walk alone or with someone you love. Play with your children, whatever creates joy and gratitude for you. – not living in fear of what you could lose, but softening into the moments “I have”
5. Just begin again – without judgement. In meditation, negative patterns, not attaining your “goals” just begin again. Every day is a new beginning.
By Larissa Mulder-Barnett
